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Chapter 0
Dear Diary,
lately, I was thinking that there are some days in your life you feel weak and you don’t know why.
Sometimes you would like to cry, but only to let yourself go.
It starts when you have to make some choices so you start hating rules and you would like to change the world, but you feel like a seed of sand, extremely small and useless. Somehow, you think that, once, someone told you that every single pip is necessary to create a desert, and for a few minutes you think that’s right. But after this short interval of time, the huge, hazy veil stands still by your side.
Someone calls that ”pessimism”…I better used to call it “reality”. When you feel like you don’t belong to this world you start thinking and thinking again, because some questions grow inside your mind and it’s like crawling in a place where everyone slides, and there’s only you, all by yourself, trying to get free.
When you think about men, and then humans, and then earth, and then universe, sun, rotation, gravity, black holes, stars…and the whole firmament, you would like to die. It’s all so big for you, untouchable, incomprehensible.
So, what’s death? And soul? When you die where will you go? Your soul…Does it exist? Maybe not? It’s like a table game: no-one knows who’s going to win until you reach the end.
I hate these “no-answer questions”!
Someone tells you that only one God exists, and he is the owner of everything in the universe. You would like to strangle this “someone” because you do not accept the fact you’re not free to manage your life as you want. They say god gave us free will so why are there people telling you what to do and what not, still?
It’s all so irritating!
(Rif. Pagina 6)
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